Rinu, Chioma, Tina, Safiyah and Rolake met at a women’s conference organised by AfriBank at Lekki six months ago. They were sitting in the same row, and during the meet and greet session they chatted and exchanged contact.

Rinu is a Senior Associate with Ade, S.A.N & Co. and has been working with them since she finished her service year. Chioma is the head of HR for a Fintech company on the mainland. Tina has just finished her NYSC and is working in her father’s company. Safiyah had come on a job transfer to Lagos as the operations manager for an oil company. Rolake is an in-house writer for Jasper publications and a freelance editor.

At the end of every month or two, they rotate their visits to each other’s house. Safiyah was the host for their next meetup.

Safiyah had taken her Friday off so she could prepare for the get-together. She went to the city centre where all the major supermarkets were located to get some chicken, coleslaw, and fried rice ingredients. She bought some pineapples and watermelons from the mallams who had their wheelbarrows arranged on the roadside before heading back home.

She lived in a two-bedroom apartment, which had a small sitting room and kitchen. She pushed the sofas to the wall to create enough space and placed some pillows around the centre table.

When she finished preparing the food, she got into the shower before wearing a long silk gown with blue and pink stripes. She sent the email she’d promised to send to her boss, did a bit of work, and at about 5:30pm the ladies started arriving. Rolake was the first. She was dressed in denim shorts long enough to cover her thighs and a yellow top that had a butterfly embroidered on it. She dropped the two bottles of sparkling grape juice on the table and dumped her handbag on one of the sofas.  

“This looks like it’s going to be some cosy evening.” She looked around the room, which was illuminated by coloured lights. “I love that,” Rolake pointed and walked in the direction of a painting of an aquarium hanging where a TV should have been.

“Thank you!” That’s one of the few of my several paintings I could bring with me to Lagos.

“Wow!” Rolake turned and looked at Safiyah, wide-eyed. “I never knew you were an artist.”

“Not really. I paint here and there when work permits or when I’m looking to relax.”

There was a knock on the door; Safiyah went to answer it. Rinu, Chioma, and Tina marched in. They came together in Chioma’s red Toyota Yaris.  

“Is that food I’m smelling? I’m so hungry,” Rinu said as she found her way around the room pushing past the cushions on the floor.

Chioma pulled Safiyah into a warm, long embrace. “Thanks so much for hosting and bailing me out on such short notice.”

“It’s a pleasure to have you all,” Safiyah replied.

“Hey Safi,” Tina and Safiyah exchanged a hug, moving to the Sofa.

“So, should we just dive straight into eating or chat first?” Safiyah asked.

“Straight into the food. I came hungry. I came ready,” Rinu replied and got up, moving towards the kitchen.

“Such a foodie,” Chioma said.

“That’s me. I claim it with my full chest.” Rinu slapped her hand against her chest. “By the way that smells good, Safi”

“And I’m sure it will taste as good,” Tina responded.

“Thank you, though that’s you giving me too much credit.”

They placed their plates on their laps resting against the sofas and their glass of pineapple and watermelon juice on the glass table.

“Hmm… this is so good, Safi,” Rolake said amidst mouthfuls. “You have to show me how you did this. I can’t cook to save my life.”

Chioma chuckled.  “Is that why you haven’t hosted us yet?” The others laughed.

“Come on, Chi, that’s not why.” Rolake suspended her fork in the air. “But just so you know, when it’s my turn to host, don’t expect my food to taste as good as this. If it is, know it’s not me who made it.” She dug back into her food.

“Early caveat. Such a smooth and sleek way of dodging a bullet. Thanks for notifying us.” Tina said, looking in Rolake’s direction.

“Na you know.” She laughed.

“Ladies, how do you deal with this your Lagos men?” Safiyah asked. “I’m tired of them.”

Chioma burst into laughter. “Should we tell her?”

“Talking from experience, right?” Rolake teased.

“Yes o.” Chioma replied. “Let me start with the Yoruba demons—”

“Hey hey hey, give our men some respect, Chi.” Rolake snickered.

“What respect? Biko.” Chioma placed her plate on the floor. “As the Omalicha that I am, it seems I’ve been only attracting these Yoruba demons.”

“Babe, what do you expect? Skin like milk, fair in complexion, everything set? Who are you going to attract again?” Rinu interjected. Safiyah giggled.

“I was at a colleague’s wedding one Friday afternoon and a guy came to sit next to me. He was dark with a well-trimmed afro. He wore a white agbada with purple…, what’s the name of that cap your men wear?”

“Fila.” Tina replied.

“Yes, and purple fila. That wasn’t even what made me notice him o. As he sat, oh my, he smelt like heaven; his perfume almost knocked the air out of my nostrils. In my mind, I was like ok let me check this guy out. As if this guy was reading my mind, he turned and smiled at me. That’s how we got started. We exchanged contact, and later at night he texted me on WhatsApp.”

“What did he say his name was?” Rolake asked.

“Tunde o, Tunde.” Chioma replied.

“Na dem.” Rinu chortled.

“That’s how after one month,” Chioma continued, “this guy said I should come over to his house so we could chill. I wasn’t too comfortable so I told him we could meet in an open space, and he agreed. Not up to 30 minutes after we got to the eatery, he started receiving calls. I wasn’t even bothered. But I noticed they were all from ladies. First, it was one Anu, then Grace, and on and on like that. Do you know what this guy did?”

“What?” Rolake asked as she gulped her glass of juice.

“He said he had to go because he wanted to attend to something important.” They all burst into laughter. “Later at night, he texted me and said we need to meet up again so he could get to know me better. I was so pissed, I blocked him off.”

Rolake raised her hand to give Chioma a high five. “That’s the way to go girl. That’s the way to treat guys like that.”

“Wow!” Safiyah sighed. “For me, the men that I’ve met are different. After we go out a couple of times and they find out I work with an oil company, they begin to send me financial requests.”

“Oyel money!” Chioma said.

“The last guy I started seeing before I decided to take a break was the most annoying one. It was a Friday evening. On my way back from work, I branched at a supermart to get some groceries for the weekend. As I was about to get into my car, I noticed a guy walking hastily in my direction. The guy got to me and initiated a conversation, and I do not know why I gave him my number, but we got talking.

“You never know where you’ll find love,” Tina joked.

“That wasn’t the case. The guy was ok. He looked good and the conversation was jocular. Two months down the line after we’ve talked about ourselves and what we were doing, I received a call from him that he needed a certain amount of money to complete a project he and some of his friends were working on, and that he was going to pay me back. The amount he asked for wasn’t so much so I sent it to him, but to be fair he paid it back as promised. At another time, he asked for a higher amount for another project and kept asking. When I asked what this project was about, he found a way to change the topic. The last time he called to ask and I said I didn’t have, he hung up on me, and that was the last I heard of him.

“Girl…, you just got off a hook. You should be glad.” Rolake said. “In my case, for unknown reasons, the ones I meet think I don’t have what it takes to care for myself so they always throw money in my face as bait for me to date them.”

“Ahn ahn. See free money,” Rinu teased. “If I can just see someone to ‘dash’ me money. Where are you seeing these kinds of men?”

Rolake smirked. “They do it in a distasteful manner. One of them called me out of the blues and categorically told me he knows I need money and he is willing to send money to me regularly. That day wasn’t funny. I looked at myself in the mirror wondering if I had ever presented myself as a pauper or a needy person.”

“Have you seen yourself lately?” Tina said and all heads turned in her direction. “You smell like money. You’re rich aunty personified.”

Rolake brushed her locs away from her face. “You almost got me for a second. I was wondering what you were about to say. Thanks, anyway. There was another time another guy I’d met through a friend told me that if we started dating that I won’t have to think about my bills as long as I also ‘treat him well’. I put him in his place and that was the last I heard of him.”

“I’m disgusted on your behalf. Some men though, yuck.” Rinu chipped in.

“What’s your own experience like, Rinu?” Chioma asked.

“Well…” she propped herself on her knees. “…I can’t say much because my bobo has been so good to me. He doesn’t joke with me, and we’ve been going steady for a year and four months now. No drama.”

“Aww. That’s so sweet to hear.” Safiyah said. “How did you guys meet?

“Through my cousin. He posted my picture on his status on my birthday, and his colleague jokingly said he was interested if I was available, which I was. The rest is where we are at the moment.” She winked at Tina. “Over to you.”

“You guys know I’m the baby of the group. I’m not on the dating scene though it hasn’t stopped some agbaya men from disturbing me. I don’t give them attention so it’s not much of a big deal. But you guys have seen a lot.”

“My dear. The one I said is just the tip of the iceberg. What my eyes have seen and my ears have heard, my mouth can’t say it all.” Rolake stretched out her leg and rested against the sofa. “Tina darling, I hope you don’t experience what we’ve gone through. You’ll almost want to give up on love.”

“Some men will disappoint you,” Chioma added.

“And may you meet with the good ones like my bobo.”

The evening stretched thin, and they all helped Safiyah with the dishes and tidy-up. They exchanged hugs and pecks at the door before parting ways.

Oluwakemi.

Photo Credit: Mohau Mannathoko via Unsplash