Content warning: This story contains descriptions and depictions of sexual abuse, suicide, and drug use. Reader discretion is advised.

Episode 1
Shalom looked at Andrew and back at the journal between them. The silence spoke volumes. Both had recoiled to their shell, guilt gnawing at them with the little revelation from Tony’s diary.

“Let’s read it some other time,” Andrew suggested. “I need more time, and I don’t think I’m mentally prepared for this.” Shalom closed the journal page by page and placed it on the bedside table. She tucked herself in bed and wrapped herself with the blue duvet, her back against Andrew. She rehearsed every word she read from the journal in her head, soaking in her grief, until sleep took over. It took one week before they read the journal again.

I was dad’s favourite. He’d come home every day with different things he bought for me. Candy, Ice Cream, Pizzas, mention it. I got anything I wanted. I remember one time mum joked that they were going to remove my teeth because of the junk I ate. They had already removed two of my teeth. Dad played video games with me. Every Saturday, when we were done with our late breakfast, Dad and I would play until late into the afternoon then we would do my homework together. Things changed when Martha and Mitchel came into the picture. I hated them. I remember I ran into my room and locked myself up when mum and dad came back from the hospital. Aunty Halimah told me that mum had given birth to twins. I cried. I wanted to be the only child. When I refused to open my door until evening, dad shook me till my body trembled, and he smacked my face me because of my ‘naughty behaviour’, and that is how he had been to me since then. He forced me to play with my sisters and anytime I called him to play video games with me, he’d use Martha and Mitchel as an excuse. Mum was not any different. She was always doting over Martha and Mitchel she had little time for me. She sent me to Aunty Halimah for anything I needed. She would also make Aunty Halimah and me look after my little sisters when she and daddy were out together. I was just a ten-year-old boy who wanted the love of his parents but was not getting it anymore. I have to stop writing now. I don’t know why they are calling me by this time. It is only when they want to scold me that they yell my name.

Shalom flipped the pages of the journal. Her eyes were red and wet. Andrew’s mind had travelled far. He saw himself standing at Tony’s graveside, tears running down his face. He longed for a second chance, but that had eluded him. Too late! Shalom looked at him, and she knew his emotions were at war. She wasn’t ready to be the dumping ground of his foul mood. All that occupied her mind was to read through Tony’s diary and get to the end of it.

*****

When I was twelve, I fell ill and so did mum. Dad had taken my sisters out for a friend’s birthday party. Mum told Aunty Halimah to bathe me because I had vomited on my body and my knees were too weak to carry me. Aunty Halimah did a good job. She was the one bathing me for one week because mum was too weak to lift a pin and dad too preoccupied with his girls. Aunty Halimah started touching me in a way I did not like, and she would ask me if I liked it.

I shouted at her the first time she touched my penis and she threatened that she wasn’t going to give me food for disrespecting her and that mum could not do anything. I went to meet mum that morning but she was still sleeping. I woke her up and she glared at me.

“Can’t you see I’m sleeping?” She raised her voice. “Go and meet your dad or Halimah for anything you want and stop disturbing me. I’m still trying to recover and I need all the rest I can get.” She pushed me towards the door.

Tears welled up in my eyes and I went to meet dad. He saw the tears in my eyes and he gripped me by my shoulders, shaking me. “Big boys don’t cry, and I don’t want to see those silly tears in your eyes else I’ll give you something to cry about. Now get your sorry self out of my sight and meet Halimah for whatever you want.” I dashed out of his presence to my room, and cried myself to sleep. I vowed never to tell him what was going on with me again. Aunty Halimah came to my room in the afternoon with my best food—Jollof rice and plantain.

“My little boy,” she smiled at me as she dropped the tray on my bed. “I’m all you have now that your mum and dad have no time for you.” She ran her hands from my hair to my neck, my body stiffened. “Eat your food, and when you’re done bring your plate to the kitchen,” she said and walked out of the room, blew me a kiss, and shut the door.

At night, she crept into my room and locked the door with the key. Her leg hit the edge of the bed and she stifled a scream before flashing her teeth at me, a smile forming at the corner of her eye.

“Shh…” She put her index fingers on my lips. “…make sure you nobody knows about this. Remember dad said you are a big boy. This is what big boys do, and I promise that you will enjoy it.” She pressed my face on her breast. “If anything bothers this small mind of yours, know that you have a place where you can always lay your weary head.” She guided my hands into her nightwear and rubbed her breast with it and she made some funny sounds. Sweat broke out of my palms and my body began to shake.

“What’s your problem?” She said with a hushed tone. “Why are you shaking like a chicken thrown into water? Tell me you’re not enjoying it.” Her voice became stern. She slid her hand into my boxers and fondled me again.

I shuddered all night. I jolted out of sleep at the sound of the slightest movement. I woke up and my thoughts were filled with the events of the previous night. When I got to school on Monday, I reported to my teacher. I told him what Aunty Halimah did to me over the weekend. His face flashed in a smile and he asked me if I liked it. A part of me enjoyed the way she put my head on her breast because that was how mum hugged me before my sisters came. I nodded in a yes and no. He told me he was going to show me another one I was going to like. My heart stopped beating for a moment. I was too numb to speak. I wanted to run but my knees wobbled and could not carry me. I nodded my head like a lizard but my heart was rent to pieces. At the close of the day, Mr. Kola called me to the staffroom.

“You don’t have to join the school bus today. I’ll personally take you home. Do you understand? I have something to show you.”

“Yes, sir.” I swallowed and a knot formed in my throat.

He took me to the back of the school building. The teachers on duty were at the gate monitoring parents and guardians who came to pick up their children.

“Pull down your trousers.” He unbuckled my belt and zipped down my trousers. I wanted to run away but he pinned me to the wall with his muscular hand. He used his free hand to pull down his own trousers and turned my face against the wall. I began to whimper. He put his penis inside my anus, and I let out a sharp cry which earned me a slap on my neck. He cupped my mouth with his palm and continued what he was doing. He promised me that he was going to buy anything I wanted if I did not tell anybody. He also said I should promise him that I would always give him what he wants.

When I got home, I met an empty house as usual. Aunty Halimah came in after an hour. She placed my lunch of beans and plantain before she left to clean the rooms. I pushed the plate aside and went to my room.

“Why do you want to waste the food I sweat to prepare? She bellowed. “I’m doing what your parents cannot do for you, yet you do not appreciate my effort. You had better get your sorry self to that dining table and finish your food before I deal with you.”

I dragged myself to the table and shoved the food down my throat. When dad and mum came back, Aunty Halimah told them I was not feeling well. Mum stood at my door and peeked into my room.

“Hey, Tony. I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll send Halimah to take care of you, and I’ll see you tomorrow.” She yawned and traipsed to her room.

Aunty Halimah came to my room that night. She locked the door with the key and tapped me. I sat up on my bed and saw her naked. I pulled the duvet over my face, and she yanked it off. “What is it?” I trembled on my bed. She launched forward, her breast dangling in my face. “You’re old enough to see me like this. Stop being a coward, little boy.” She leaned into me and unbuttoned my pyjama shirt, running her hands on my chest. She fondled her breast with my hand and she moaned. I forced my hands out of her and she glared at me.

“If you deny me what I want, I’ll deny you food for the next three days” She grabbed my hands and began to fondle herself again. I could see the seriousness in her eyes and I had no choice but to obey her. My hands quavered as I placed it on her breast.

“I’m proud of you.” She grinned.  “You learn fast, and I love you for that.”  Her hands travelled all over my body and settled on my crotch. She used one hand to pull my head forward and buried it in her chest.

“Do whatever you want,” she whispered, fondling my penis. About thirty minutes later, she stood up from my bed and dressed up. “Remember, this is our little secret, sweet boy.” She pecked me on the forehead and left the room.

That became our routine almost every night, and when mum and dad travelled, she would come to my room and tell me that she wanted both of us to sleep naked together. My teacher continued his own in school. Mum and dad could not have known because they were too blind to see my pain. Their business, my sister and the money they wanted to make clouded their view. When I wanted to tell them what was happening to me, they said I should talk to them later because they were too busy. I quit trying and I just continued to endure what Aunty Halimah and Mr. Kola were doing to me.

To be continued…