Impostor syndrome is a paradox: others believe in you, you don’t believe in yourself, yet you believe yourself instead of them. If you doubt yourself, shouldn’t you also doubt your judgment of yourself? When multiple people believe in you, it might be time to believe them

Adam Grant

This is like a sequel to a previous post where I wrote about being in a ‘burn away’ phase, wanting to dissolve like salt in water—never to be seen, never to be heard, and to be completely forgotten.

I lived in what Adam calls a paradox. In fact, I was a paradox. People believe in me and my art and commit projects to me, but I struggle with accepting what they say believing in my own self-doubt. It was as bad as doubting the note I received from my course convenor when I gained admission to pursue my Master’s degree in Creative Writing.

How did I get to the point of living a paradox? I subjected myself to a cruel slave master known as perfectionism. I ignored my past efforts, diminished my successes, and beat myself up if I made as little as an ‘insignificant’ mistake. Over time, I stopped believing in myself, and even when I heard words like ‘I’m proud of you’, ‘you’re doing a great job’, ‘you’re good at what you do’, I took it with a pinch of salt.

During this phase, I stopped writing and I found myself craving negative feedback, which I unwholesomely believed would help me get better at my craft. I felt the positive comments I received were people being nice so I don’t feel bad.

I realised I wasn’t doing myself any good by diminishing my efforts and wins and absorbing criticisms. Yes, I still struggle with accepting my accolades with ‘my full chest’ but I have chosen to ‘unparadox’. I’ve taken steps to completely break off from this paradox and to live a whole life doing what I love. I found this resource helpful, you might too.

Additional Resource: How to Overcome Impostor Syndrome as a Writer

Bonus: I should have shared this post before having this experience that’s why it’s a bonus. Over the weekend, I received my grades and feedback for my last semester’s assessment, and they were ‘head-swelling’, encouraging and positive. The paradoxical me would have doubted everything my tutors said in the belief that they were just being nice (this makes no sense because they don’t know whose work they’re grading), but the unparadoxical me reigned in the positive remarks and accepted my trophy wholeheartedly.

If you find yourself in this web, I empathise with you, and I’m here to tell you not to let it keep you down. One foot in front of the other and you’ll be free from the crippling effect of impostor syndrome.

Have you ever had this experience? Do you mind sharing what you did to overcome it? Kindly do so in the comment section.

With writing love,

Oluwakemi.